Friday, 7 February 2014

Hitlerisation!


I’d just like to say that the following is totally true: well, it’s a true rumour i.e. it’s really a rumour that I heard about, not one that I am making up!
It goes like this: Hitler didn’t die in the bunker.  He escaped to Brazil, married a black lady, had 2 children, lived to a ripe old age and then died in the 1970s.  Hmmmm…..
There’s a picture on the internet somewhere that is really blurry and grainy and shows a youngish black lady and some old cracker.  Apparently, no one thought anything about the couple and just thought he was a bit odd and was known as Uncle Fritzy.  Then (this is the good bit), some Latin American researchers came across the photo and thought Uncle Fritzy reminded them of someone.  Then, one of the researcher’s fag ash fell on the photo and landed under Uncle Fritzy’s nose and then: ‘Eureka!’.
However, I have done some experiments of my own and worked that any picture of a black lady next to a white bloke could look like she’d been duped by the Furher by the addition of a moustache onto the white bloke.
For example, say this is a picture of George and Miss Gladiola doing some synchronised swimming:



All seems fine, yes?  However, with the addition of a few strokes of the magic marker….

  

Arrrrgggghhh!  Adolf Hitler is sneaking up on Miss Gladi !!!!

Honestly, if you stuck a little black moustache on Ghandhi he’d look like Hitler.  I think I might go and draw one on myself and see if I feel a little bit world-conquer!
p.s.  Whilst in the Boys from Brazil mood, I put a moustache on the soppiest dog ever – old Frenchie, one of my foster dogs. Voila!
You vill giff me ein Denti-Stik!

Saturday, 1 February 2014

Moustachios Cause Reality Check

Now that I am in my dotage, I find myself constantly battling the old beard and moustache set.  What used to be the odd, blonde bit of Fu Manchu is now the Brian Blessed.

I said to Man Friday: 'Blimey, I'm seriously considering buying a No No.'

He said: 'I'll go in half with you, then I could borrow it.'

This is Man Friday:


I said to him: 'Forget the No No, you need the "NONE SHALL PASS" mate.'

He said I was a cheeky mare and I told him he had lost touch with reality.   He then said he wasn't going to cook dinner and how did I like that reality.