You know I said about the home for poor ladies...well, I met another one of them today. I was limping past their home (on the other side of the road - not cos I was avoiding them, but just cos I was) and someone shouts out: 'Hello!'
So I look over and there is a big sort of lady sitting on the home's garden wall and she's waving. Now, I didn't think she was waving at me, mebbes someone behind me cos i) I didn't know who she was and ii) she wasn't wearing any shoes or socks, and I know it never gets that cold in London but stone me...no one would chose to be thus unattired (in their right bonce, anyhow).
So, this poor lady shouts out: 'Hello!' again, so I look over (big mistake) and she stands up and nearly runs in the road yelling out: 'Hello! Hello! Hello!' whilst waving away wildly in the same way that them landing blokes do with aeroplanes!
I stopped and pointed to my chest and mouthed: 'What, me?' and that was it! She came tearing over the road to me (I was totally rabbit in headlights) still yelling out: 'Hello! Hello!' and doing all this mad waving.
I stood there like Lott's wife and she comes right in front of me (no shoes or socks, mind) and stops and just stares at me - talk about 'without resources', I really didn't know what to do, so I said: 'Hello!' back to her.]
Now, I know it could've gone either way but the augers favoured me and she smiled and said: 'Hello!' again.
So, I said: 'Hello!' again and then she said: 'Hello!' again. Well, this 'hello' malarky could've run and run so I said: 'Well....' and she said: 'Hello!' and I said: '...I'd better get cracking, eh?', and she said: Hello! again, and I said: 'Well, ta ta then,' and she said: 'Hello!'. By this time I'd started moving off but, though I had been heading for my own flats, I now had a nasty thought. So I walked straight past my main front door and lucky I did cos I turned my head and Mrs Hello was still watching me and waving.
I walked all the way round the estate, come back the other side and blow me down - she was still there! And, of course, by this time I was dying for a pee but there was nothing for it but to back off back to Holloway Road (where I'd just come from).
I just about (phew!) made it to the nearest pub, begged the barman to hang onto my sholley whilst I went gang-way to the loo! When I came back out, he said: 'Are you all right?' and I said: 'I'll have a single brandy and black coffee, please.' And he said: 'Dear oh dear, that bad, eh?' So I told him: 'Well, nothing that a brandy won't help.' He laughed and said: 'Missus, there's nothing on this earth that a brandy won't help!'.
Anyhow, I solved the problem by ringing Man Friday and getting him to advise me when Mrs Hello had gone. What a palaver!
Ah, and George - must tell you the latest. I saw him walking Henry and his wife, Esther was a little ways behind them. I said: 'Oh, George, you do look well.' And he was really smiley and very light on his feet and told me the story of how the doctors had now taken him off ALL his blood pressure medication and his was now as right as rain.
Turned out he'd been on the blood pressure pills for 20 odd years, but as he got older (don't ask me how) his blood pressure had gone lower all by itself but as he was still on the pills (but didn't need 'em anymore) they started sending him a bit dippy.
Then he walked off and Esther (who I thought had been hanging back a tad) walks up to me and says: 'Yes, he's better all right, better at driving me distracted.' So happens (as it often does) that she preferred him a bit woolly. Oh dear. We shall see...