Monday, 20 August 2012

Connie Brix goes Vets

Connie Brix, my giant dog, started getting hiccups after wolfing down some left-over lasagne.  First, it made me and old Man Friday laugh, but as it continued into the night AND the next morning, we got worried.  After all, there was that Pope that died of hiccups.

Aside:  when I first moved to this estate I met old Leggy and he had hiccups as he walked past my garden.  So I said 'hello' and introduced meself and then gave him some severely unhelpful advice on how to cure them.  Then I told him that story about the Pope in the Middle Ages who actually died of hiccups (I think they gave him an H.A.).

Anyhow, time goes on, mebbes a year or so.  I'm sitting in the garden and old Leggy goes past.  Now, I was indeed drinking some wine but that had nothing to do with the hiccups; I just had hiccups, ahem.  So, old Leggy goes to me: 'Oh, you should watch them hiccups, there was that Pope who died of hiccups.'  And it was on the tip of my tongue to say: 'I bloody told YOU that!' but it seemed churlish.  Then Leggy nods towards me and says: 'And he was only middle-aged, dont'cha know.'  Talk about: 'Send three and fourpence, we're going to a dance.'

Back to the main story.

So, me and Man Friday get a bit worried about Connie Brix (what with the Pope and all) so, M.F. takes her down the vets.  He goes into the vet's surgery thing, and it's that nice Australian bloke.  So old Bilabong shakes Man Friday's hand, says hello.  M.F. says: 'hello' and meanwhile, Connie Brix is sitting quietly next to M.F. hiccuping away.

So the vet goes: 'So then, what seems to be up?'
Connie Brix goes:'Hic, hic.'
Man Friday motions towards Connie Brix with his head, 'What do you think it is?' he says.

Connie Brix goes: 'Hic, hic.'

The vet says: 'Sounds like hiccups to me, mate,' with a completely straight face.

Man Friday looks at the vet, somewhat perplexed.
Connie Brix goes: 'Hic, hic.'
The vet goes: 'Definately hiccups.'

There was silence for a few seconds till the vet burst out laughing, bent over double laughing he was, the beggar!
'Sorry, sorry,' he gasps, 'Couldn't resist it, mate.'

Man Friday says: 'Get out of here, you nearly had me going.'

Meanwhile the vet was laughing so hard he knocked over a steel tray with some implements on it that crashed to the floor.  Man Friday said: 'Jesus Christ!'.  The vet said: 'Oh bugger me' and the dog jumped out of her skin.

It would be so cool to say that it cured her hiccups but it never.  She had to have a shot of some, I dunno, anti-hiccup stuff (whatever it was, it cost £95).

1 comment:

  1. I think in this instance you have to bend the truth (outright lie) and say that it did cure the hiccups, and the vet charged you £65 for it. It would be a fab punchline. You do make me laugh. And I didn't know about the pope and hiccups. Which one was it? Whenever Claire gets hiccups I tell her to think of seven bald men, and it always seems to do the job.