Wednesday, 4 July 2012

Don't Panic, Capt. Mainwaring!!

Dear old blog-matekins, hello!  Sorry I've been away so long, am totally rubbish and should be shot (and more than likely will be!).

Ben - ta so much for Leibschen award thingie - how decent of you!

So what's been going on, you lazy mare (I hear you asking)?  Well, what bleeding well hasn't!  I'll give you a short list to be going on with and will write at length on Sunday.

1.  Have been teaching ungrateful little bleeders how to read; it's like pulling teeth (mine!!!)
2.  Hiding from Melvis.  He has been evicted but will not leave (don't ask me).  He is (get this) appealing to the European Court of Human Rights.  Me and him had a few words, I must admit.  He said he had the human right to stay in his flat; I said that the council workers had the right not to have  a bucket of excrement chucked over 'em.  As you can imagine, he didn't like this one bit.

However, he had given me the right needle by saying that he'd burn his flat down before he gave it up.  I reminded him that I lived directly underneath him.  He replied: 'Don't you worry, girl - I'll give you the nod before I torch the place.'  So I said (all sarky): 'Very decent of you, I must say.'

And that's how we started to have 'words'.  And in re the 'human rights' convo, I never bothered with the negative trumping positive rights argument - I tell you, talk about 'pearls, swine, pearls, swine.'

Sorry, am as cross as two sticks.

3.  Have been (ha!) writing a new book.  Got 30k words in...then decided I hated it.  I sulked for about a week.  Man Friday swiped me with a tea towel and said: 'You've got a face like a slapped arse, and I'M the one has to look at it.  For gawd's sake, woman - you're the one who wrote the bloody thing.  Bloody Rumpelstiltskin never came in the night and typed it up.'

He is quite right.

4.  My ex-husband (lovely bloke) left his job (chartered accountant) and went to crew on a yacht going from Antigua to the Azores.  He wrote an account of the doomed ocean crossing.  When he has finished editing (it's a short story), I'll ask him if you guys can read it.

Alistair Dance (my ex) is 50yrs old, has always been an accountant but always wished he was a sailor/wreck diver.  So, he gives up his job, rents his house and sails orf round the world (well, not quite - they came a bit of a cropper!).  Can you believe it?  I salute him, I really do.  Talk about 'bottle'.

p.s. dunno why I made that piece of news no.4 (cos it wasn't what I was doing myself) but nevertheless...kudos (as the kids round here (and Socrates) say).

Must buzz orf now, need booze.  Carol

p.p.s in re the latter: wished I lived next door to Ben and Claire and their fabby wine cellar!!  Am stuck with a bottle of: 'yes, missus, very good wine, very red.  Made of grapes, 100%', as recommended by Farid down the local shop.  Still, for 2.75 per bottle, it won't kill you to add a spoon of sugar to take the edge off it!


  1. Glad you're back Carol. I know exactly what you mean about writing manuscripts and not being happy with them.

    I have heard a lot of writers send off one chapter or even just a book proposal and don't even bother writing a whole book until it's accepted. I have three or four manuscripts that need sending off to be rejected or published and then to be disappointed. That's why we write isn't it?

  2. Is your ex-husband sailing past the coastline of the Republic of Congo? I'd like to shake his hand and give him a bottle of jungle tonic.

  3. Teaching reading??? tell me more, how old are these little bleeders causing dental amputation!! I know only too well that feeling of pulling teeth, a tad more painful than swimming up stream or walking through treacle