Saturday, 12 May 2012

My Mate's Book!!! And: We have company...

Time for a bit of the old name-dropping...

My good mate, Geoff Wilson, has only got his novel out in paperback!!!!  Am not, of course, one bit jealous (lies, lies and more lies!) - I'm bigger than that (even more lies!).

No, really.  It's really true, I actually know a bona fide author who works really hard everyday (unlike me) and does research in the British Library (unlike me), and doesn't have to stop at 4pm every day to watch original Star Trek with Cpt. Kirk et al.

The above reasons are why Geoff has now got his book out in paperback - graft!!!  Plus plenty of the old talent (hard-working, talented: I hate him sooo much!  Nah, only, I hate, only kidding!

It's one of those alternative history jobs: India invades, conquers and colonises England!!  Totally cool premise (wish I thought of it!).  The protagonist bloke works for the Indian Rajas (used to be in their army, bit like the Sikhs, I suppose, used to be in our army), he's a sort of head of security on a rich Indian bloke's estate.  Anyhoo, his best mate and his daughter muck the whole think up by starting a rebellion against the Indians (trust your own relatives to tip the apple cart).  Then, the daughter only gets herself captured and is sentenced to death (typical!).  So, our hero has to go save her.

Best part, I reckon, is the steam-powered machines of war that the Indians use for fighting; a bit like the Nautilus in 20k Leagues Under the Sea.  Oh, and the Indians use this mystical sort of yogic based magic (the fat cheats!) but our hero starts to learn some of the tricks of the trade as he goes along - so ner!

LoHG is the first book in a trilogy (Geoff's written the 2nd one, prob. published end of this year) and this is SO going to be a film (you heard it here first!).

The above link should take you to the section where you can have a gander at the book.  It really deserves a read, I bloody loved it (whilst sticking pins into a voodoo doll of Geoff!!); it's one of those 'good old romp' books, you know?  Where stuff keeps happening?  Instead of someone staring at a mantelpiece for 200 pages and remembering a tea-party in 1927?  Nah, LoHG is more of a 'punch, bang, argh, oh my gawd, what the bloody hell, run, hide, shoot the bugger,' sort of book - thank heavens!!


Last night, Man Friday runs into kitchen, goes to cupboard under the sink and starts Febrezing his trousers.  I said: 'We got company coming?'.  He goes: 'Yep, can I borrow yr deodorant, mine's run out?'

Now, as you might gather, me and M.F. have been slobbing around the house all day long - I was still in my ruddy pajamas (and it was far too early to pretend that I was just off to bed!).  So, I was just on the verge of leaping (well, heaving meself) off the sofa to give the bathroom the once over, when I had a brainwave.  I said: 'Who's coming?'  And M.F. said: 'James is popping over.'  So, I immediately laid back on the sofa and got M.F. to spray Channel No.5 over me.

Odd really.  If my girlfriends are coming over, the first thing I do is to overhaul the bathroom, then the kitchen, then I spray the dog (with Fid-eau), sweep up and spray the hallway with Channel No.5.  Weird one.

Just to say: I don't know anyone else who Febrezes themselves.


  1. Is there really something called Fid-Eau? (It's horse calm juice all over again). I must get some in. For Dudders, I hasten to add. Febreze... Is that the same as Zoflora? I used to steam clothes using Zoflora in a Shelter Shop. The intermingled smell of old man pockets and pretend flowers will stay with me forever.

  2. Steam powered war machines? Perhaps steam power is the answer to all our transport needs?

    'Shake and Vac' isn't bad either for a quick spray around the house. Let us also not forget the puddles to give our shoes a quick polish.