Just ten mins back I was watching Horizon. This week's programme concerned the problems with the Standard Theory of Cosmology.
I had to listen to it through headphones cos MF and young Dan had gotten (god knows how) James II to shout the lyrics, over and over; it was like a Primal Scream Therapy session where the psychiatrist had gone loo and the participants had gone Neanderthal.
Anyhow. I'm watching Horizon and (it turns out) mebbes there wasn't a Big Bang at all (typical, just when I bent me head around it).
Then James II's voice gives out, so he has to come in the front room for a cuppa and some paracetamol (prob. gave himself an aneurism, all that screaming). So I take the headphones out. James II says: 'What's this about?'
I say: 'Look's like the Big Bang Theory's all to cack.'
James II says: 'Does it matter?'
I say: 'Too right it does - dark matter, mate.'
James II goes: 'What's dark matter?'
I say: 'No one knows.'
He goes: 'That why they call it 'dark' then?'
And I had to admit: 'Probably.'
Then MF and young Dan are arguing over £2.50's worth of change. I shouted out: 'Will you two pack it in - you shouldn't be worrying about £2.50, you ought to be worrying about Dark Flow.'
Young Dan asks who 'Dark Flo' is.
I give up the will to live.
Finally, five mins back, they all start to set off: MF to Offy for non-alcoholic booze (oxymoron) and boys off home. MF pops his head in me office door to tell me they're going in a min. He says: 'Dan's having a tom-tit to save having one in his own house,' and James II says: 'Yeah, he's saving water.'
And the above story explains why Jesus invented wine. Or made some. Or something. Probably drank it, poor sod - 'Son of God' makes 'Prince of Wales' look like three kittens holding up a cup-cake.
p.s. 'Screaming Lessons with Mark Chesterton' is a real 'How To' video that MF and Dan made James II watch. I'm not making it up - you couldn't.